Jackson Ray's Story

It has been 2 months since Jackson was born. I can’t believe it’s been 2 months. Why does childhood fly but laundry take a lifetime? He is changing so much day by day and all these little details are already slipping away. I wanted to share our story of how this little guy came into the world before I forget. It didn't

turn out like I dreamed but it was wonderful. Jackson is a very dear name to Justin. It is his special nickname from his grandpa. Raymond is his other grandfather’s name. Because this is the currently the only grandchild who will carry on the Skinner name, it was important for us that his name remind him of who he came from. Jackson means God is gracious and Ray means grace. I had hoped that at the end this delivery I would be able to say God truly is gracious because He gave me what I wanted. This was not in the plan.

I prepared from the second I got home from the hospital with Penelope for a VBAC. I did not get the labor and delivery I wanted with her. In fact, some of the worst experiences of my life came out of that induction. Pitocin was terrible. Having your baby go in to distress is terrifying. Being secluded in a recovery room from everyone you love, while you shake so much you bite your tongue and punch yourself is a nightmare. I wanted so badly for this time to be different.

So, I worked. Diligently. I researched everything. I watched the documentaries. I read the books. I devoured blogs and forums with VBAC success stories. I reviewed what happened last time and how I got there. I waited the recommended amount of time between pregnancies. I game planned with my doctors. I knew the risks and rewards. I understood what the statistics “really” meant. I studied hypnobirthing. I took every bit of advice. I followed every recommendation. I was ready and this time everything was going to go as planned.

Or not. Flash forward, I am 41 ½ weeks. Everything with the baby is perfect except for the fact that I am not even close to going into labor. Like really, nothing. Not dilated. Not effaced. Nothing.  My midwife suggests we try a Foley bulb induction. No medication. No risk. It works or it doesn’t.  I was so excited to not just have to go straight into a C-section.

April 15^th, we head to the hospital. After a flat tire and dropping Penelope off at my mom’s house, we are running a little late and just miss the midwife. Lucky for me, it takes most of the time we have to wait for her to get back from the office to find a vein for my IV. I was born without veins. They miss one, they blow one, and then finally get one at a super weird angle, sitting on top of my wrist bone. MMMmm yummy. The midwife makes it back and she gets the Foley bulb inserted. It works by mimicking the weight of the baby’s head, causing dilation. If it works, it will get me to a 3-4. I came in dilated 1 1/2cm so there is a lot of wiggling and stretching to get everything set up. Then, I just have to wait for 12 hours.

Trying to get my fluids before surgery. Not only was my IV difficult to insert it had the bonus of not working very well. 

The nurse for the evening shift comes in and introduces herself as Stephanie. She was delightful and apparently somewhat of a rule breaker. The midwife came to check on me late in the evening and I was having pain but still no contractions. From what I read, most of the time, the Foley bulb works quickly. After 6 hours with no contractions, I am praying that I am at least going through all this pain for something. The best thing is for it to fall out on its own. Stephanie comes in to do some monitoring and we get to talking. Justin and I tell her all about the things that we hated about our last experience. When Justin tells her how scary and terrible it was to not be allowed in the recovery room, she gets mad. She tells us that unless I was in an unstable condition, dad and baby are both allowed in the recovery room. She told us she helped write the policy and that some nurses don’t like it so they keep everyone out as long as they can. She talked to me a little more about the type of birthing experience I wanted. And then she left me alone to get some rest.

After the 12 hours were up, Stephanie came back in to take out the bulb since it had, unfortunately, not fallen out. She told me to get some sleep and asked if there was anything she could get me. I was not really supposed to eat anything heavy because of the prospect of a c-section in the morning. I told her I was starving and was having a difficult time sleeping. I wanted some jello or juice. Stephanie offered to go get me something to eat from the cafeteria, even though it was closed. I told her about being gluten free and she went to see if she could find a little snack. It was 2am at this point. She returns like an angel from food heaven! Meat and cheese, gluten free crackers and pretzels, and tons of fruit. She said “I didn’t know what you liked so I just grabbed everything I could find that was gluten free”. I ate till I was full and then slept so hard.

My hero and sidekick

The next morning, I was awakened by my new nurse Ann. She was extremely kind and warm, exactly how a nurse ought to be. The midwife comes in with Dr. Thompson, the OB who is overseeing my VBAC. They are disappointed that I slept so well and they check my progress. I am almost dilated to a 2, almost, and still less than 20% effaced. The midwife tells me that unfortunately inserting the foley bulb is probably what caused me to get to a 2. They tell me I can go home and wait to see if anything happens and make me aware of the stillborn risks now that I am 42 weeks along. The other option is to do an elective c-section. I am so tired of being pregnant. I am so sad that I spent the night away from Penelope. I do a quick head and heart check and then look at Justin. He tells me it is whatever I want. I know the stillborn rate is low and it is rare but they don’t know why it happens and I can’t take that risk just to try for a VBAC that may end in a c-section anyway. I decided to go forward with a c-section. After everyone leaves, Justin asks me if I am really okay with this. I smile and say “I am just not going to emotionally deal with this yet. Is that okay?”. We agree to just enjoy the day our son comes no matter how he gets here.

Penelope made a bear for Jackson. She came in shouting "Happy Birthday baby Jackson!"

The midwife and Ann tell me that they will make sure that, if the baby is healthy, I get skin to skin and be able to nurse before the baby goes to the nursery. Justin asks if he can go to recovery with me and Ann tells him that she will be with us all the way and she will make sure he can come in. We are reunited with the anesthesiologist who did my epidural with Penelope. He tells me everything that will happen with my spinal block and lets me know they will give me something for the shaking this time.

It was a strange thing to walk into the OR and climb up on the table. I meet everyone, they are all wonderful and calm. They are funny and everyone has to stop talking because they are making me laugh while I am getting a spinal block. My blood pressure drops and I feel really horrible. It’s normal with the spinal block and he gives me something for it but it takes a minute to take full effect. Thank goodness for my hypnobirthding practice as I was able to breathe through it. By the time I felt better, Justin was there and the baby removal was underway. I always call it a baby removal because that feels more accurate than delivery. It was wonderful; everyone explained what was happening through the whole surgery while keeping all the parts a patient does not want to hear quiet. They take him out and quickly show him to me. I see his profile and burst in the kind of tears only a new mother can cry. Jackson looks just like Justin. Jackson takes a minute to cry. He bursts out in a huge scream and everyone is relieved. Justin tells me later that the baby had the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck 3 times. The nurse rushed to clear Jackson’s nose and mouth so they can bring him to me. They help me lay him on my chest and nurse him. If you have to have your internal organs put back into their proper place and then have your stomach stitched back together, it helps to have a cuddly baby.

Together at last

After a while, they send Justin and the baby to the nursery to get him ready to come to my room. My teeth start to chatter from the spinal block so I clench them. This causes my arms to flap up and down like some kind of clumsy bird. I grab on to table but it only sends my shoulders into a samba. I don’t really know what a samba is but that’s what I imagine it would feel like if I was shoulder sambaing. I rotate between these 3 options because I can’t quite figure out which one gives me the most control over my body. My Doctor, who is slightly reminiscent of Mr. Magoo, leans over the curtain, flaps his arms and says “She’s flying away”. The anesthesiologist sees I am shaking and gives me something. While I am not the biggest of medicine, I have to say medicines administered intravenously are amazing. You can feel terrible and 30 seconds later you are wondering if you imagined it. It’s cool.

So happy to be a big sister

They wheel me to my room and I am and feeling good. I can feel a lot more of my body this time and I am not punching myself. Ann is with me and takes my vitals. We talk and laugh. My door is open and I don’t feel everyone thinks I am in grave danger. I hear Dr. Thompson in the hall saying “Come here. In there”. He dragged Justin out of the nursery to make sure he was allowed in to my room this time. They brought the baby in a few seconds later and we were a happy family. Jackson is born 8lbs 3oz and 21 inches long. While he is almost exactly the same size, Jackson is the complete opposite of Penelope. Dark and swarthy. His eyes barely opened his first few weeks of life. He is serious and sweet. His spirit is gentle and easy to be around. One of the nursing students turned out to be Kristen Gibbon’s! She said they loved when he was in the nursery because he was so sweet. I loved having someone I knew there taking care of him.

Calming down with mom

After Ann’s shift ends, Stephanie is back. She excitedly goes over everything with me and it so happy with the result. Apparently, when she took out the foley bulb she knew I was headed for a c-section. She gathered together everyone who would be working with me before she left and told them everything they needed to do to make me happy. I thought everyone was just reading my mind. No, Stephanie had arranged it all. She truly was an angel in scrubs.

I was so happy to see her. First night apart.

That night, Jackson kept spitting up a ton. Because I could not sit up fast enough to keep him from choking, the nurses kept him in nursery. When the pediatrician came the next morning, I told him I was concerned about the amount of spit up. He told me not to worry about it. It was just mucous from being a c-section baby. I was like I am pretty sure it is clostum but you are the doc. The spit up continues and the next day the pediatrician comes in and apologizes for dismissing my concern. He tells me the first day babies only need 7 drops of clostrum and I am producing like he has never seen. By this point, my milk has come in and my nursing super power is the talk of the nurses’ station. Because we are doing so well we get to leave early.

We were all a little sleepy

C-sections are not fun to recover from, physically or emotionally. This time was a little easier because I chose what happened. I had hoped that all my hard work in preparing for my perfect VBAC would cause God to bless me to have exactly what I wanted. When I found out Jackson meant God is gracious I thought “How perfect! I will be able to tell people how gracious God was in helping me have the birth I wanted”. I do not think c-sections are wrong and I don’t think women who choose to have them are “bad mothers” but it just was not what I wanted. I can truly say that God is gracious after this experience. I got everything I had wanted so desperately but was missing during Penelope’s birth. I had people care for me as a person, not just a patient and let me be fully in control of my choices. God is gracious. Motherhood is the greatest blessing and the greatest challenge I could ever imagine and I am totally in love with my little family. I am so grateful they were sent to me even though I am so unworthy of them. God truly is gracious.