Baby makes three

Please be aware that this post contain material that is disturbing to some people. Please proceed with caution. For those of you who choose not to proceed just know I had a baby and she is cute. 

I held off writing after my last post because I was really sure I would be going into labor any second. Little did I know that it will be 20 more days before this lovely lady would enter into the world. I was due December 12th 2011. I went to the midwife, who checked the baby's heart rate and fluid and both were very good. They felt like everything was safe so we waited for that magic moment when true labor would begin. I had had a few contractions but nothing that lasted.

I tried everything to go into labor, walking miles and miles, walking with one foot on the curb and one foot on the street, eating a huge salad with gorgonzola cheese, evening primrose oil for weeks, jumping off of chairs, running, eating plates of jalapeno covered nachos, you name it I tried it. With the exception of castor  oil, many people suggested it but I knew so many who had tried it without success that it was just not worth it. 

Fast forward to the day before Christmas eve, I was at my last appointment. Nothing has happened, nothing is moving, and I am very pregnant. My midwife asked me if I would be interested in a c-section. I said no, I wanted to do everything naturally and I cried when I had to get my blood drawn. Slicing open my abdomen was not very appealing. We decided that if she did not come over the weekend I would be induced on Monday night.

Relaxing in my Christmas sweater

Christmas was relaxing and uneventful when you consider labor as a possible activity. Nothing happened except stuffing myself to the point of pain, which is not very hard to do at 42 weeks. Monday afternoon, we called the hospital for a time to come in. When we talked this over with the midwife she explained that we would try and medicine to get me to dilate and efface first and that this sometimes made you go into labor. She also made it seem like they would monitor me for a little while and then I would go home and sleep and come back in the morning. Well. we called the hospital for a time to come in and they wanted us there right away. So off we went in a rush, thinking we would be back a little while later.

Right before we left. Biggest day of my life,  in so many ways

When we arrived at the hospital, they put me in a gown and had me start signing my life away. We were there for good, Justin and I buckled in and prepared for everything that would come next. The nurses were shocked that I had never had any experience in a hospital before. I tried to be cool about everything but I was terrified. When they put in my saline lock for the IV, my nurse looked all up and down my arms and then went and got another nurse who had been there since before I was thought of came in and looked at both arms, tried several turnicate things, slapped my arms and then asked me "Why did you leave your veins at home?" Add that to the list of the top 10 most comforting phrases I have ever heard in my life.But seriously, she was super nice and got me laughing to distract me. She promised that they would not make me a pin cushion and wrapped my arms in hot towels and called IV therapy. The IV therapist also spent a great deal of time inspecting my arms only to confirm that I have no veins. After vigorous slapping and many hot towels, she found one in my hand and got me good to go with only one stick. I was impressed and so so grateful.

Showing off my bling and my saline lock. I felt so brave.
This is the only bling I could wear considering my fingers were a full 3 sizes larger than normal.

That night I slept and in the morning they checked me. I had progress a whole 1/2 a cm and was now effaced 80%. Needless to say, I was a little discouraged. Around 8am they started me on pitocin, which I had heard horror stories of. And boy were they right that makes things a heck of a lot harder. I spent the whole day breathing through my contractions and hanging out with Justin and my Mom. Every time the nurses would ask me what my pain level was I always said 1-2 numbers lower so they would not think I was a pansy.(Because labor is the time to impress people with your pain tolerance skills) By the time afternoon rolled around, my contractions were really picking up. I decided to wait for the midwife to see how much I had progressed. I was really in a lot of pain at this point. I knew going into an induction that the odds of me achieving my dream of a natural childbirth was basically 0%. The pain was at a point that I had to completely focus on it. Justin and my mom took turns rubbing my hands and helping me through it. Everyone kept telling me what a good job I was doing. I just sat there thinking "Don't you people know I am about to lose it?" and "I can't believe I am about to lose it over this. It's not even that painful". Justin was very concerned for me the whole time and I could tell he was having a hard time watching me in pain.

We are laughing because I just finished a really bad contraction and Justin said "She better not be ugly after all of this."
Also, I look a hot mess. 

If I get a cold Justin stays next to me all day just in case I happen to die. I could tell as supportive as he was being, he was worried. I decided I could only go through 12 more contractions at this rate.A random number but that is what I decided in my mind. I got up to go to the bathroom and said a prayer asking what I should do. I felt very strongly that I should get an epidural. I was scared of being confined to a bed and that whole huge needle thing but I went ahead and got it anyway. It was not fun getting it but it was so relieving. I was still able to move and feel my legs. I felt the same except no pain. I actually thought my contractions had stopped until they told me I was have some really heavy ones. Justin looked like Christmas had come again. He was so relieved to see me out of pain. The midwife came to check on me and told me that I was dilated to a 3 and 90% effaced. This was after she had broken my water and 10 hours on pitocin. I was a little distraught but decided to buckle in and reset my mind for the possibility that this baby might not even come today.

Everything was going along until the nurse said the baby's heart rate was dropping and put me on some oxygen. She told me not to worry because it was most likely because of the side I was laying on. I flipped over and the baby seemed to do fine. My nurse seemed so unconcerned I did not even think about it. I was able to take off the oxygen and felt a lot better. My Mom went to go talk to my Dad for a few mins. He had been waiting in the waiting room for most of the day. My nurse went to call the midwife. All of a sudden the charge nurse came flying in and put me back on oxygen and began flipping me over to the other side. The baby was struggling, her heart rate dropped from 155 to 90bpm. Justin and I began to worry a lot. I wanted my Mom to come back in. My nurse came back and they stopped the pitocin. My midwife came in and said that the baby was in distress and that I was so far away from being ready to deliver they needed to do an c-section. I started bawling. She told me to please not be disappointed. Many women feel like they have failed after having a c-section. I just felt terrified that I was about to get sliced open. My Mom had come in right as the midwife was breaking the news. I explained to her what was happening. Justin broke down and my Mom looked like she did not know who to hug first. He told me he was so sorry over and over again. I tried to look brave and tell him it would be alright and that I was fine.

Everyone was doing their best to help us feel comfortable. The anesthesiologist came in and he was a very funny guy. He decided we could just use my epidural. I was more than concerned due to the fact that I could still feel everything but he promised me that I would not feel the surgery. They whisked everyone away and rolled me into the OR. It was the strangest feeling. I have never felt so helpless as they lifted me off the bed and onto the table. They began prepping me and Justin came in with the midwife. She asked me if we had a camera. I told her my Mom did and she said "I will go get it". She was amazing and took pictures of everything. I would have regretted not having those first moments so much. I asked the anesthesiologist one more time "Are you sure I won't feel anything?" To which he replied "They already started".

Justin keeping me distracted. I am clearly drugged

It was all very quick after that. When they gave me the epidural I began shaking and shivering (Apparently and normal side effect. I did not feel normal). I think all of my scared requests made the doctor a little heavy handed. Normally your block only comes up to your chest. I could not feel up to my shoulders and I could only feel half of my arms. I was shaking like crazy during the surgery. The baby was crooked and they said her head was big. They had to vacuum her out. They all started telling me to look up so I could see her when they got her out.

My first view of my child

When they held her up all I saw was a giant screaming, slimy, purple, round thing. My initial reaction was "Oh no, she is ugly. You have to love her anyway". They called Justin over to cut the cord and look at her while they got me cleaned up. Here are some pictures of things that I had no idea were happening.

Life is so much harder out here

A little pick me up after all the distress

They brought her over for me to hold before they took her up to the nursery. Im pretty sure if you have to have you internal organs put back in place and your abdomen stapled shut there is no better distraction than a brand new baby. My arms were so numb from the epidural I was so afraid I would drop her but I did not tell them that because I was even more afraid they would not let me hold her. I cried and looked at her hands with her long fingers (A feature I lack that has held me back in my musical endeavors). I said "Oh Justin, she can play the piano!"She was so beautiful and I loved her without having to make myself. She was rooting from the first second she entered this world. I wanted to feed her but knew I would have to wait. After and few minutes, Justin and Penelope went up to the nursery while they finished sewing me up. Apparently, the doctor had a really cool staple gun that stapled sutures and not staples. Well, the anesthesiologist thought it was cool. I thought it was a lot cooler after they told me everything dissolved and I would not have to have anything removed later. He started wheeling me out the OR and then realized he has no idea what room I was supposed to be going to. After sitting halfway in the hallway while he made a phone call, we were on our way. They took me to my recovery room and my Mom slipped in. She told me she was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. My nurse was really nice and let my Mom talk to me until the charge nurse came in and pushed her out. They said no one could see me for an hour. I was miserable. I was shaking so violently and I could only feel certain parts of my body. They had these leg compression things on my legs to prevent blood clots but it was not until the next morning that I realized they were on both legs. I lay there thinking "I don't think I can do this. I could never do this again. I can never have more kids because I might have to have another c-section and I can't experience this ever again". I used my fail proof survival tactic of sleeping to cope.

The gang waiting for me

Penelope Loree Skinner. Born at 6:42pm 8lbs 1oz 21
inches long

What seemed like a few seconds later I heard my Mom again. She asked if Justin could come into see me. I found out later that Justin was trying to be a good new dad but was worried sick about me. His Mom had called my Mom to see if she could get him in. My Mom waited till, in her words, "The mean nurse left" and then darted in. It had almost been an hour so she decided it was close enough. Justin came in and I was so happy to have him with me. He told me she was 8lbs 1oz and 21 inches long and that she was real hungry. He told me she knew his voice and would look over every time he spoke.I was still shaking a little and I felt so cold even though I had a million blankets. They finally brought her in and put her in my arms. That was the first time I felt warm since the epidural went in and I was able to relax.

She smiled when she heard my voice! Also, that is my headband not a piece of colored hair.
 I always follow the honor code even during childbirth.

We are a happy family

Justin is still wearing his surgery hat because he wanted to.
I think it was the only time in his life where a do-rag would be acceptable

She was desperate to eat, (something that has not changed) and we made a stellar nursing team from the get go. I was so happy and we got to have some bonding time. Every nurse that came in told me what a smiley baby she is. Every said she was just so beautiful and the pediatrician said "I have seen a lot of babies and yours is so so beautiful. I don't say that to everyone." I decided they probably always said things like that but I pretended they didn't because I think she is the most beautiful baby I have ever seen. 

I was so nervous that my recovery would prevent me from enjoying my first few days as a mother but it was so much easier than I thought. They had me stand up the next morning and my nurse was so surprised with how easy it was for me. I thought I was going to be in a lot more pain. Of course I had a morphine drip and then after the IV came out a 600mg Ibuprofen is whatsup. They also gave me percocet but that did not really do anything for me. We stayed in the hospital till Friday afternoon. It was a long stay but we were grateful for the rest. We gathered ourselves together and headed out. 

None of the newborn clothes we had fit her.
I have her pants folded and tucked into the back. Also check out the socks

Leaving the hospital was almost as traumatic as leaving the womb

We were welcomed back to our lovely home in Main Hall by my parents, who met us to help carry stuff in and brought dinner for us. When we went upstairs we found this from the Bouchelle family. My parents helped us get settled and take care of the blowout that happened in the car on the way home.

Love the Bouchelle family!
And the warm blanket from Auntie Brooke

My Dad is physically incapable of smiling for real in pictures.
You can tell he is really happy!

Three of the 4 generations of Lorees.
Cindy Loree, Lauren Loree, and Penelope Loree. We can't wait to go visit Drusilla Loree!

Later that night when we were relaxing she started to cry, Justin said " I wish we had a nurse to bring home with us." We both laughed and realized life would be very different but we would never want it any other way. It sounds really hokey but we love it. I even love her screaming face. I have no idea how to end this post except to say that these are so of my most cherished memories and I hope that one day I can give Penelope an idea of how she came to us and how she was more than worth it.